KSW Guide: Polyamorous Relationships

keyboardsmashwriters:

This is a guide, which means it’s only the beginning of your research. Use this as a start and find stories of experiences from actual people, why things worked or why they didn’t, and why they decided to seek out a polyamorous relationship.

Polyamory is not new, but like other non-traditional relationship and family structures, it’s only recently entered more serious studies. In writing a working or experimental polyamorous relationship, it’s critical to understand that there are many common stigmas and myths, costs and benefits, and different subcategories.

Things to consider when writing a polyamorous relationship:

• Sexual orientation versus romantic orientation. Sexual orientation is solely about what a person is sexually attracted to, whereas romantic orientation is what a person is looking for in a life partner (or partners). It’s important to know that there’s a clear, defining line between sexual orientation versus romantic, although the two can mirror each other or become intertwined.
• Sexual needs versus romantic needs. Sexual needs are more related to how a person likes to express themselves sexually, how often, with whom, what sorts of people, so forth. Romantic needs are connected to what a person seeks from their life partners. It’s important to know that there’s a clear, defining line between sexual needs versus romantic, although the two can mirror each other or become intertwined.
• Emotional support, openness, and communication. Polyamorous relationships rely hugely on open and willing communication. All parties involved have to be able to express themselves fully and regularly and respect each others’ personal needs, whether to have an open relationship or not to.
• Commitment. Polyamorous relationships also involve a great deal of trust and loyalty. Honoring and respecting a partner’s feelings is a two-way street. All parties involved have to be devoted to committing themselves to these feelings and working out problems that arise.
• Boundaries. Partners can set rules, such as “You may do this, but you must do that,” and the committed partner(s) involved is/are willing to appreciate those rules. Oftentimes, this may include using additional protection, or not all sexual acts are allowed. Each case might vary.
• Continuous consent. This is incredibly important. As soon as one partner tries to coerce the other into an open relationship, the relationship fails. A true polyamorous relationship is with the open approval, support, and willingness of all parties involved.
• Stigmas and other cultural influences. When writing a polyamorous relationship, it’s important to consider the setting (the time and place). A fantasy world might come with its own set of rules that see sexual expression as a regular occurrence, but otherwise, relationships that involve more than two committed individuals is largely demonized and misunderstood. Consider what your characters will have to endure when it comes to their society, or even their own cultural influence and preconceived notions.

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