If you’re trying to build back to a specific word count per day, but aren’t writing daily now, the first advice I’d give is to say: don’t worry about word count right now. Worry about writing consistently. If you write consistently, whether that’s daily, every other day, weekly, whatever, the words will come over time. Daily is best, it really is, but even easing into that is fine.
In order to get yourself writing daily you need three main things: time, motivation, topics.
The first two your have to make yourself. You have to discipline yourself to write.
Imma say that again for the benefit of all: YOU HAVE TO DISCIPLINE YOURSELF TO WRITE.
The third one can come from yourself, your ideas, from prompts, from friends, from replies/reactions to what others write, from wherever. The point when setting up a routine like this isn’t to write the same thing everyday from the same idea well. Change it up. Do whatever you have to do to make this routine stick. Experiment with the time of day you write, what your eat or drink (or don’t), where you write, what you write with/on, try everything until you find the ideal method for sticking to a writing routine. Then enforce it. If you fall off the wagon, don’t chide yourself. Just take a deep breath and start again tomorrow. Enforce your writing time with yourself.
Once you’ve got yourself on a routine, you can start introducing other things to enforce, like word count goals, specific topics/projects to work on, etc.
These routines do not have to be a lot of time. Ideally, all writers want to be able to write whenever, wherever, for however long they want. That is not the reality. The reality is you have to make time for yourself, and often that time will be limited. It may only be an hour. It may only be half an hour. Work with the time you have available, and you’ll learn to use it wisely. The more you write, the more you’ll find time to write and that time will grow. Don’t beat yourself up for only having thirty minutes a day to write when you start doing a routine. This is your foundation for a very, very long building project that will take years to complete (and realistically, if you’re going to be a lifelong writer, that building will NEVER be finished). But you can start it until you build the foundation and ensure it is solid. And I totally did not mean to go all construction metaphor on that, but it happened.
Bottom line is, you need to write on a consistent basis. When you’re starting out (or rebuilding), it doesn’t so much matter what you write but that you do write. And generally speaking, that is the basis for all writers and all creative types.
Hope this helps!
– O
how do write
Tips for Improving your Concentration
1. Eliminate noise and other distractions from your environment. It takes approximately 15 minutes to reach a place of focused concentration. Thus, constant interruptions will stop you reaching that place.
2. Deliberately structure your environment so that the focus is clearly on studying – and not on doing, and seeing, other things. That may mean changing the room you work in, moving your desk, and so on.
3. Clarify your goals for each piece of work. If you don’t know what you’re doing, or you’re hoping to achieve, you’ll likely go in circles, and simply waste your time.
4. Break large areas of study down into smaller sections, and then plan how you’re going to work through each of these.
5. Set reasonable time limits for each portion of the task – and also for completing the final project. That should help to stop you wasting time on needless details, from wandering down blind alleys, and from procrastinating.
6. Be clear about the requirements for each task. For example, what are the guidelines you have to follow? What standard or quality of work is expected? How detailed does your knowledge have to be? If you’re writing as assignment, how long should it be, and what style and format is required?
7. Isolate yourself. Often, it is best if we lock ourselves away, and avoid other people, when we really need to work. Find a place to hide away, or put a sign or your door – but refuse to talk to anyone until the work is done!
COBG’S Guide to Surviving NaNoWriMo!
Guides, Resources, and Writing Tips Oh My!Guide to Newton’s Law.
(What can go wrong, will go wrong)
1. Back it up!
Dropbox, Google Drive, Icloud.
A few years ago I would have said USB or Data CD, but in this day and age I would say keep it in the cloud. All my writing files are saved on Dropbox which means every time I save, it’s already updated on dropbox and on my other computer. So, if my computer crashes I don’t have to worry. Remember back it up!2. Get By With A Little Help from Your Friends.
Know where you can go for support. Do you have a writing buddy? Are you on a forum? Do you have a friend who is going to commit to the challenge? Have their info ready, because at some point we all crack. Just have someone or someones who will listen to you complain about how you are the most awful writer and why the hell did you start this process in the first place. That person will hopefully remind you why you’re doing this and all the things you can get out of it.3.Tools Assemble
Sure you’re using your computer, but have your other tools ready. A notebook, your iphone with your notes, your index cards.Also, remember your outlines, your character sheets, your research and have wiki and google on standby.
Guide to keeping our sanity.
1.Give up your Harry Potter, Pulitzer prize winning notions.
NaNoWriMo is an exercise. It’s a test in endurance, in will power and focus. It is also a rough draft which means it is going to suck. Secondly, most full manuscripts are from 80k-100k…so it’s not a full novel. Do not spend your time freaking out about how good it is. Good comes later. Just get 50k words down.2. Avoid the distracting parts of the internet.
Facebook, twitter and even Tumblr. Unless, you are going to get writing tips, do some quick research or check in with your writing partner you should NOT be on the internet. It’s as simple as that.3.Don’t compare yourself to others.
Just, because you can write 5k words in one day does not mean you are Shakespeare. Just, because you have barely scraped past your daily goal doesn’t mean you suck. Everyone writes at their own pace.4. You are not ready for Beta Readers.
No one needs to be reading what you are writing! No one. This first month is not for getting feedback and figuring out if your book makes sense. It’s to get it all down. It’s to bring the beginning, middle and end of your story into existence. This is not the time to bring in opinions that will only discourage you or give you a false sense of your skill. Again, your first draft is gonna suck!5. Stop editing!
I do not care if you noticed a an extra comma, if you’re not sure you spelled that big word correctly or if something seems not right. Leave it. When you’re doing you’re rewrite, that’s the time to edit.Guide to Keeping Healthy.
1. Water.
When I am writing, I can literally go days without drinking a glass of water. Stay hydrated. Keep your mouth moist as your fingers do the talking.2. Take breaks.
I don’t mean go sit and watch all your primetime shows during your allotted writing time, but…. yup go to the bathroom, walk around your living room, eat your meals and have a stretch. Staring at a computer or word processor for hours can get to your back, your hands, your wrists, your shoulders and your eyes.3.Comfort and Support.
I have wrist pain (I think it’s carpal tunnel, but my doc disagrees) so I wear a brace especially when on my computer. I also have padding below my keyboard. Think about what will keep you comfortable. Fingerless gloves, cushions, feet warmers. I don’t know, but be comfortable.Guide to Your Happiness.
1. Caffeine.
You’re just sitting at a table, but writing is busy work. It will make you feel tired, your brain feel foggy and suddenly bed seems like the perfect place even if it’s just 5pm.You need something to keep you lucid. For me it’s a cup of Lipton tea. But for others it can be soda and the ever important coffee.
2. Snacks.
I am going to buy myself a party size pack of Reese’s Buttercup and probably my favorite ice cream candy bar, because they give me a rush of pleasure with every bite. But, I am also going to buy red grapes, because I love them.Gather your snacks before hand. Your guilty pleasures and your healthy ones. Have something close by that you can munch on while the creative juices are flowing.
Guide to your personal Motivation.
1. Computer Wallpaper.
For the last few weeks my wallpaper is this beautiful black on white number that I found on tumblr by Brewed Rebels that reads “You musn’t be afraid to dream a little bigger darling.” It’s a quote from the film Inception and every time I turn my computer off, close a window, etc I see it. It’s my inspiration. My dream is to be a writer and every time I see it it reminds me not to be afraid of my big dreams.Get something like that for yourself.
2. Goals and Rewards.
We know the ultimate goal is 50k words in 30 days, but set some smaller goals and give yourself a reward. The most common practice is probably giving yourself a small gift every 5k words you complete. This can be a book, a bag of candy…anything that can motivate you.My daily goal is to watch an episode or 2 of Supernatural, which I am currently binge watching.
You may want to put another reward at the end of the 30 days as well. The ultimate reward is of course 50k, BUT you can talk yourself out of that. You can always say things like ‘well, I don’t have to get 50k now, I can just keep writing in December.”
No, give yourself more incentive if you think you may talk yourself out of it. Perhaps you should say “if I finish this book I can buy that expensive purse I’ve had my eyes on and walked past three times last week.” You know what I mean. Treat yourself to something. Give yourself the ultimate reward that you can afford.
3.Bragging Rights
Remember! You can’t tell all your friends that you’re a legit novelist and that you have written a book, if you don’t WRITE THE BOOK. Bragging rights is probably one of the best things in the world. It will take someone 10 years to do something you are going to do in 30 days.Remember that.
Below are resources such as writing tips, dictionary sites, story generators, places to look up names and other tips from all over the web.
spookyjoel: HEY WRITER FRIENDS there’s this amazing site called realtimeboardwhich is like a whiteboard where you can plan and draw webs and family trees and timelines and all that sort of stuff. you can also insert videos, documents, photos, and … Continue reading
NANOWRIMO Time
It’s almost NANOWRIMO. You brave souls who are going to be doing it could use a little help, yeah?
Offensive Mistakes Well-Intentioned Writers Make
Food-Colored Skin
Not only is purple prose obnoxious; sometimes it’s downright racist. For some reason, writers have a fondness for describing dark complexions as “chocolate” or somesuch.
But wait, people like chocolate! What’s so bad about likening a skintone to something almost everyone likes?
The problem is that food-colored skin is a phenomenon mostly limited to dark-colored complexions. And it’s more than just a little creepy when strangers keep likening your skintone to an inanimate edible object. Plus, in some places “chocolate bar” is a playground taunt used to goad black children.
Not a very tasteful choice in similitudes at all.
Skin Color Only Described When Not White
In many stories, the color of a character’s skin will only be described when the character doesn’t have a fair complexion. This typically happens because the writer is white and subconsciously thinks of xir own skin color as the default and everyone else’s as the outliers. Even JK Rowling, whose books frequently focus on tolerance and equality, is guilty of this.
The solution is simple – just describe everyone’s complexion, and all will be well.
Written Accents
Written accents are offensive because they essentially tell the group whose accent is being written that “your way of talking is weird; my way is normal.”
Not only are written accents offensive to the group being represented, but they’re offensive to read because you have to spend extra time trying to sort out what the writer was trying to say.
If you want to write a character who is supposed to have an accent, use grammar and slang associated with people who have that accent. You could also just mention that they have an accent. But don’t butcher the spellings of the words. “He’s got himself in a right pickle, he has” is fine, but “‘E’s got ‘imself in a right pickle, ‘e ‘as” is not.
Things Appropriated From Other Cultures
Many new writers are bound and determined to make sure their characters have meaningful and unique names. I see many people who have clearly scoured the bowels of online baby name sites to find the perfect Vedic/Japanese/Aztec name for their white character.
This sort of thing is a form of cultural appropriation, which is a pretty huge faux pas. For the uninformed, cultural appropriation is when a member of a dominant culture takes something from an oppressed/minority culture and uses it in a shallow, trendy, or superficial way – and there’s really nothing more shallow or superficial than trying to make your character stand out by giving xir an “exotic” name instead of giving xir a memorable personality and story.
Likewise, people give their characters katanas and throw youkai into their stories for no other reason than “it’s more interesting” than Western culture. Throwing things from another culture into your story for no other reason than you think it’s “more interesting” reduces that culture to a cheap gimmick, which is pretty rude and offensive.
“Harmless” Stereotypes
The Japanese plant-lover. The wise Native American. The sexy Latina. There’s nothing bad about loving plants or being wise or sexy, so why would anyone find these offensive?
For one thing, it can create unrealistic expectations and assumptions about these people. Many Asian-Americans find themselves having to explain to people that no, they don’t know squat about gardening, really. Many Latinas would rather people didn’t expect them to be hot and spicy lovers based on their race. And contrary to what some think, Native Americans aren’t really born with a magical connection to the Earth and tend to find assumptions that they are quite irritating.
The Supercrip
There are two varieties of supercrips: the first is a disabled person who is treated as a hero just for doing everyday things that most people take for granted. It’s quite frankly condescending, and many disabled people would thank you to knock it off.
The second type is the character who has amazing skills or abilities because or in spite of xir disability. While a writer might be trying to say “just because a person has a disability, doesn’t mean they can’t be amazing!”, what the audience hears is “disabled people often have amazing abilities to make up for their disability,” which unfortunately isn’t true.
The Mighty Whitey
The Mighty Whitey is a white person (if not physically, then culturally) who finds xirself faced with the task of saving a marginalized group (often as not from other white people). The character is usually male and ends up becoming the leader of the people he just liberated, and he usually ends up with a hot ethnic-looking gal to boink. (Think Jake Sulley fromAvatar, and you’ve got the Mighty Whitey in a nutshell.) The Mighty Whitey will learn the ways of an ethnic group, and xe will become even better at them than the people who have been studying them all their lives.
What makes this trope so horrendous is the attitude of white supremacy: it implies that non-white people cannot solve their problems without a white person to help or even lead them, and that white people will always be better at everything.
Also, becoming a leader of a people whose culture you have only known/studied for a few months – or even a few years – is one of the most ridiculously puerile fantasies in existence.
Getting Mental Illnesses & Different Neurologies Wrong
Want to create a chilling plot twist? Just the killer the hero’s evil alternate personality! That’s called schizophrenia… right?
Wrong. And this type of thing is incredibly insensitive and offensive.
Aside from the fact that schizophrenia does not create multiple personalities, most people with schizophrenia and multiple personalities are quite harmless. Yet thanks to their portrayal in fiction, many people expect them to be dangerous, which makes their already-difficult lives even more difficult.
Occasionally, some people go the other direction and portray these people as innocent or even mystical. That’s positive discrimination, and that’s also bad because it creates unrealistic expectations.
Whether it’s schizophrenia, multiple personlities, autism, Asperger’s, psychopathy, sociopathy, or anything else, you’re going to use a mental disorder or alternate neurology of any kind, make sure you research it. And whatever you do,NEVER give your character a mental illness just to make xir more “interesting,” because that’s ableism.
Trying to Create an Aesop About Discrimination Without Actually Understanding the Discrimination in Question
Most people think they have a pretty good bead on what racism is all about – it’s about segregation, ugly slurs, and pointy white hats. Same goes with sexism – women can get jobs and vote now, so it must be over, right? Ha, if only.
In real life, these people are very rarely overt – in fact, most racism is extremely subtle, so subtle that the offender doesn’t even realize that what they’ve said or done is offensive or hurtful and will vehemently deny the possiblity that what they said or did could have been offensive. (A common response from these people is “I can’t be an X-ist! I have X friends!” Yeah, if only.)
Some examples of subtle discrimination:
- Telling rowdy children to “stop running around like a bunch of wild Indians!”
- Describing a non-white character or person as “exotic.”
- Dressing up in Halloween costumes depicting ethnic stereotypes.
- Insisting that a woman who does not want children right now will “change her mind” in the future.
- Asking a woman why she’s still single if she’s so attractive.
- Asing a woman who is angry about something if she’s on her period.
- Insulting males who don’t live up to expectations of perceived masculinity by accusing them of acting “girly” or calling them gay.
If you want to learn more about what real discrimination of all kinds look and feel like, I recommend readingMicroaggressions. (Language warning.) Also, check out this handy-dandy list of links to privilege checklists so you can check your own privilege before writing off into the sunset.
Trying to Satirize a Thing Without Understanding Why it’s a Thing
The film Death Becomes Her satirizes the perceived vanity of performers who spend mind-blowing amounts of money on beauty products and plastic surgeries to stay young. Funny film? Yes. But it’s rather sexist in that it treats this perceived vanity as something that just happens to some women for no real reason. It ignores the fact that we live in a society obsessed with youth and that our consumerist culture has commodified it and tries to make us feel inferior every day for not buying it from them. It ignores the fact that the men in control of the entertainment industry constantly pressure women into getting plastic surgery and enhancements, even flat-out refusing to hire women who don’t meet their exact standards of beauty, regardless of their talent.
Killing Off LGBT Characters to Make an Allegedly Non-Hateful Point
There’s this thing that some writers do – they introduce an LGBT character, try to build some some sympathy for xir, and before you know it they’ve killed off this character in a manner that’s reminiscent of that old and noxious “too good for this sinful Earth” trope that pervaded Puritan literature.
This sends an absolutely terrible message to LGBT people – that the only way they can escape the shame and the hate that so often comes with being LGBT is if they die. LGBT youth are at a higher risk of committing suicide already – clearly, this is not a message we want to be sending.
Forgetting Women of Color in Female-Oriented Entertainment
Buffy the Vampire Slayer. Charmed. Pan Am. Sex in the City. All of these female-aimed shows exhibit distinctly monochrome casting choices. Sure, Charmed was sort of justified in that the three leads were supposed to be sisters. But Pan Am has no excuse – and there were plenty of non-white stewardesses in the 60’s.
Multi-Racial Groups Always With a White at the Helm
This wouldn’t be a problem if it didn’t keep happening all the time. But invariably, whenever there’s a multi-racial group or team of some kind, the leader will invariably be white. The implication is that while non-whites are good enough to have on a team, they still aren’t leadership material.
The Fairytale Gypsy
You know the character type – they live in wagons, wear colorful clothing, read fortunes, and play a mean fiddle.
The trouble is, what you see in fiction is a romanticized version of a very ugly reality: “Gypsy” is actually a racial slur for the Roma and Dom people. The reason they’re nomads is because racists have a habit of routing them out whenever they try to settle down, and their eclectic fashion comes from having to wear whatever they can get. Also, they’re no more magical than you or me.
Their portrayal in many fantasies perpetuates the myth that these people are fairytale creatures who vanished along with Long Ago And Far Away, rather than real people who suffer systemic oppression today.
100 Mostly Small But Expressive Interjections
by Mark Nichol
They often seem disreputable, like sullen idlers loitering in a public thoroughfare, but they actually do a lot of hard work and are usually persnickety about the tasks to which they are put. They are interjections — one class of them, anyway: those lacking etymological origins but packed with meaning.
But how do you know how to distinguish similar ones — or spell them, for that matter? Here’s an incomplete inventory of interjections (not including variations of actual words such as yeah for yes or onomatopoeic echoes of externally produced sounds like boom):
- Ack communicates disgust or dismissal.
- Ah can denote positive emotions like relief or delight (generally, pronounced with a long a).
- Aha signals triumph or surprise, or perhaps derision.
- Ahem is employed to gain attention.
- Argh, often drawn out with additional h’s, is all about frustration.
- Aw can be dismissive or indicative of disappointment, or, when drawn out, expressive of sympathy or adoration.
- Aye denotes agreement.
- Bah is dismissive.
- Blah communicates boredom or disappointment.
- Blech (or bleah or bleh) implies nausea.
- Boo is an exclamation to provoke fright.
- Boo-hoo is imitative of crying and is derisive.
- Boo-ya (with several spelling variants) is a cry of triumph.
- Bwah-hah-hah (variously spelled, including mwah-hah-hah) facetiously mimics the stereotypical archvillain’s triumphant laugh.
- D’oh is the spelling for the muttering accompanying Homer Simpson’s trademark head-slapping self-abuse.
- Duh derides someone who seems dense.
- Eek indicates an unpleasant surprise.
- Eh, with a question mark, is a request for repetition or confirmation of what was just said; without, it is dismissive.
- Er (sometimes erm) plays for time.
- Ew denotes disgust, intensified by the addition of one or more e’s and/or w’s.
- Feh (and its cousin meh) is an indication of feeling underwhelmed or disappointed.
- Gak is an expression of disgust or distaste.
- Ha expresses joy or surprise, or perhaps triumph.
- Ha-ha (with possible redoubling) communicates laughter or derision.
- Hamana-hamana, variously spelled, and duplicated as needed, implies speechless embarrassment.
- Hardy-har-har, or har-har repeated as needed, communicates mock amusement.
- Hee-hee is a mischievous laugh, while its variants heh and heh-heh (and so on) can have a more derisive connotation.
- Hey can express surprise or exultation, or can be used to request repetition or call for attention.
- Hist signals the desire for silence.
- Hm, extended as needed, suggests curiosity, confusion, consternation, or skepticism.
- Hmph (also hrmph or humph) indicates displeasure or indignation.
- Ho-ho is expressive of mirth, or (along with its variant oh-ho) can indicate triumph of discovery.
- Ho-hum signals indifference or boredom.
- Hubba-hubba is the vocal equivalent of a leer.
- Huh (or hunh) is a sign of disbelief, confusion, or surprise, or, with a question mark, is a request for repetition.
- Hup, from the sound-off a military cadence chant, signals beginning an exerting task.
- Hurrah (also hoorah, hooray, and hurray, and even huzzah) is an exclamation of triumph or happiness.
- Ick signals disgust.
- Lah-de-dah denotes nonchalance or dismissal, or derision about pretension.
- Mm-hmm, variously spelled, is an affirmative or corroborating response.
- Mmm, extended as needed, conveys palatable or palpable pleasure.
- Mwah is suggestive of a kiss, often implying unctuous or exaggerated affection.
- Neener-neener, often uttered in a series of three repetitions, is a taunt.
- Now (often repeated “Now, now”) is uttered as an admonition.
- Oh is among the most versatile of interjections. Use it to indicate comprehension or acknowledgment (or, with a question mark, a request for verification), to preface direct address (“Oh, sir!”), as a sign of approximation or example (“Oh, about three days”), or to express emotion or serves as a response to a pain or pleasure. (Ooh is a variant useful for the last two purposes.)
- Oh-oh (or alternatives in which oh is followed by various words) is a warning response to something that will have negative repercussions.
- Olé, with an accent mark over the e, is borrowed from Spanish and is a vocal flourish to celebrate a deft or adroit maneuver.
- Ooh, with o’s repeated as needed, conveys interest or admiration, or, alternatively, disdain.
- Ooh-la-la is a response to an attempt to impress or gently mocks pretension or finery.
- Oops (and the jocular diminutive variation oopsie or oopsy and the variant whoops) calls attention to an error or fault.
- Ouch (or ow, extended as needed) signals pain or is a response to a harsh word or action.
- Oy, part of Yiddish expressions such as oy gevalt (equivalent to “Uh-oh”), is a lament of frustration, concern, or self-pity.
- Pff, extended as needed, expresses disappointment, disdain, or annoyance.
- Pfft, or phfft, communicates abrupt ending or departure or is a sardonic dismissal akin to pff.
- Phew, or pew, communicates disgust, fatigue, or relief. (Phooey, also spelled pfui, is a signal for disgust, too, and can denote dismissal as well. PU and P.U. are also variants.)
- Poof is imitative of a sudden disappearance, as if by magic.
- Pooh is a contemptuous exclamation.
- Pshaw denotes disbelief, disapproval, or irritation or, alternatively, communicates facetious self-consciousness.
- Psst calls for quiet.
- Rah, perhaps repeated, signals triumph.
- Shh (extended as necessary) is an imperative for silence.
- Sis boom bah is an outdated encouraging cry, most likely to be used mockingly now.
- Tchah communicates annoyance.
- Tsk-tsk and its even snootier variant tut-tut are condemnations or scoldings; the related sound tch is the teeth-and-tongue click of disapproval.
- Ugh is an exclamation of disgust.
- Uh is an expression of skepticism or a delaying tactic.
- Uh-huh indicates affirmation or agreement.
- Uh-oh signals concern or dismay.
- Uh-uh is the sound of negation or refusal.
- Um is a placeholder for a pause but also denotes skepticism.
- Va-va-voom is an old-fashioned exclamation denoting admiration of physical attractiveness.
- Whee is an exclamation of excitement or delight.
- Whew is a variant of phew but can also express amazement.
- Whoa is a call to halt or an exclamation of surprise or relief.
- Whoop-de-doo and its many variants convey mocking reaction to something meant to impress.
- Woo and woo-hoo (and variations like yahoo, yee-haw, and yippee) indicate excitement. (Woot, also spelled w00t among an online in-crowd, is a probably ephemeral variant.)
- Wow expresses surprise.
- Yay is a congratulatory exclamation. (Not to be confused with yeah, a variant of yes.)
- Yikes is an expression of fear or concern, often used facetiously.
- Yo-ho-ho is the traditional pirates’ refrain.
- Yoo-hoo attracts attention.
- Yow, or yowza, is an exclamation of surprise or conveys being impressed.
- Yuck (also spelled yech or yecch) signals disgust. (Not to be confused with yuk, a laugh.)
- Yum, or yummy, is a response to the taste of something delicious and, by extension, the sight of an attractive person.
- Zoinks is an expression of surprise or amazement popularized by the cartoon character Shaggy, of Scooby Doo fame.
- Zowie, often in combination following wowie, a variant of wow, expresses admiration or astonishment.
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- Plant’s chart; he’s an emotional little flower baby. He also places a lot of importance on physical things.
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- Quick’s chart; Quick has a high need for spiritual fulfillment as well as social fulfillment.
Character development thing.
Plot points on this chart to represent how important these different aspects of a character’s life are to them. By doing that you can help determine what type of things your character deems to be most meaningful in their life, especially compared to others aspects.
A brief explanation of each aspect is below in case you’re confused about the meaning of any.
Physical Aspects
- Strength: to have physical power and strength
- Sex: to have sexual gratification and satisfaction
- Possessions: to have objects and tangible things
- Health: to have physical health and stability
- Appearance: to have a good external appearance
Emotional Aspects
- Love: to love and be loved, romantically or otherwise
- Appreciation: to be appreciated by others
- Attention: to be paid attention to
- Security: to feel secure emotionally
- Approval: to be approved by others
Social Aspects
- Respect: to be respected
- Friendship: to have friends
- Intimacy: to be intimate with a partner or partners
- Belongingness: to feel needed and belonged
- Family: to be on good terms with/have a family
Spiritual Aspects
- Inner peace: to be content with themselves
- Purpose: to feel as though they are fulfilling a purpose
- Self-sufficiency: to feel that they are able to provide for themselves
- Growth: to feel as though they are growing and changing
- Acceptance: to be able to accept themselves without consequence
This is an absolutely amazing exercise and I certainly recommend doing it.
KSW Guide: Polyamorous Relationships
This is a guide, which means it’s only the beginning of your research. Use this as a start and find stories of experiences from actual people, why things worked or why they didn’t, and why they decided to seek out a polyamorous relationship.
Polyamory is not new, but like other non-traditional relationship and family structures, it’s only recently entered more serious studies. In writing a working or experimental polyamorous relationship, it’s critical to understand that there are many common stigmas and myths, costs and benefits, and different subcategories.
Things to consider when writing a polyamorous relationship:
- Sexual orientation versus romantic orientation. Sexual orientation is solely about what a person is sexually attracted to, whereas romantic orientation is what a person is looking for in a life partner (or partners). It’s important to know that there’s a clear, defining line between sexual orientation versus romantic, although the two can mirror each other or become intertwined.
- Sexual needs versus romantic needs. Sexual needs are more related to how a person likes to express themselves sexually, how often, with whom, what sorts of people, so forth. Romantic needs are connected to what a person seeks from their life partners. It’s important to know that there’s a clear, defining line between sexual needs versus romantic, although the two can mirror each other or become intertwined.
- Emotional support, openness, and communication. Polyamorous relationships rely hugely on open and willing communication. All parties involved have to be able to express themselves fully and regularly and respect each others’ personal needs, whether to have an open relationship or not to.
- Commitment. Polyamorous relationships also involve a great deal of trust and loyalty. Honoring and respecting a partner’s feelings is a two-way street. All parties involved have to be devoted to committing themselves to these feelings and working out problems that arise.
- Boundaries. Partners can set rules, such as “You may do this, but you must do that,” and the committed partner(s) involved is/are willing to appreciate those rules. Oftentimes, this may include using additional protection, or not all sexual acts are allowed. Each case might vary.
- Continuous consent. This is incredibly important. As soon as one partner tries to coerce the other into an open relationship, the relationship fails. A true polyamorous relationship is with the open approval, support, and willingness of all parties involved.
- Stigmas and other cultural influences. When writing a polyamorous relationship, it’s important to consider the setting (the time and place). A fantasy world might come with its own set of rules that see sexual expression as a regular occurrence, but otherwise, relationships that involve more than two committed individuals is largely demonized and misunderstood. Consider what your characters will have to endure when it comes to their society, or even their own cultural influence and preconceived notions.
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